I was always in a hurry to find something I didn't have. Many nights on my daily walk with my mom, I would remark how I felt I needed to hurry up and get somewhere to do something other than what I was doing. The urgency was unrelenting, and yet I had a measure of trust that it would unfold perfectly. Then in the mid 1990's, I found an ad in the back of a magazine for a free meditation cassette tape. I ordered it and used it cautiously at first, without headphones! And then I surrendered and, with headphones, got the full Synchronicity experience.
Unhesitating, I ordered more stuff - this time VHS tapes of Master Charles' dialogues. I watched, glued to the TV, both a feeling of "ah-HA" and "UH-oh", as my entire being recognized the jig is up. I found what I had been looking for and was absolutely thrilled —and full of terror at the same time — as I could feel the momentum of my Consciousness driving this. No chance for the ego! Full speed, no stopping, no excuses this time.
Next I found myself at a retreat, then another, then another...for three years, dancing with my process, knowing soon it would be time for me to move to Synchronicity. When it happened, there was no choice in the matter, just as I knew from that VHS tape...this is it, it's time. One month later, I moved in as a full-time volunteer resident staff — there was no looking back.
In my life before, in the world I was living in prior to Synchronicity, I was a super-achiever. Five jobs, full-time college, commuting from my apartment, which I barely saw. I have always been very focused and strong in my ability to manifest whatever I wanted, or so it seemed. Truthfully, looking back now, after having been here for almost 18 years, "I" have been driven by the momentum of my own Consciousness, more obviously in some times than in others. Luckily, I embrace the ride and any fears that come up are miniscule compared to the power of the experience whose time has come.
Now, being here in this Sanctuary with Master Charles is another story. A lot of process over many years can be summarized in an analogy of a tree's growth. The first years were all about growing strong roots, where I found myself digging in to the focus of the lifestyle here, wanting nothing else, including contact with anyone in my "life before." Then, as that integrated in my experience, the "trunk" of the tree grew, still upward, connecting the roots to the empowerment of subtler dimensions, growing the substantiation of holistic living throughout my being. Years later, the branches filled out...connecting this strong vertical growth into the rest of the world, seeing the connectedness with everything, including it all. Then, the flowering.
After all these years, more and more flowers shower simultaneously to the continued depth, expansion and inclusion of the previous growth. Such a beautiful process.
Throughout my journey —from first finding out about Master Charles —to moving here, to being here almost two decades, I have such gratitude for Master Charles and this life that Synchronicity supports us to live. It has been a magnificent, colorful unfolding of freer and freer states of being. Each perception of reality is stretched to its limited ability to represent the truth, then yielding and expanding into a more truthful perception, over and over again. All the bliss and pain of the process is gifting me with the true experience of being ALIVE.
Now I am beginning to know what I felt hurried to find all those years. And it was within me all along.