By Celeste Smucker
Instead of asking "What should I pursue?" why not ask "What is pursuing me?"
--Master Charles Cannon
When life forces you to make difficult decisions, what do you do?
Your natural tendency may be to analyze your situation, compare the different options and how they would change your life, and then choose accordingly
You may ask which choice best supports your long range income, lifestyle and productivity goals. And you may also consult others to see if they agree with you.
While this analytical approach is valid, relying on it alone can lead to disappointing results.
Let's look at why and what to do instead.
Self-Awareness Is the Key
A large factor in successful decision making is self-awareness.
To make difficult decisions successfully you must be self-aware enough to understand what you want deep down.
And of course you will also need the strength to make the best choice for you regardless of what anyone else may think.
While this seems simple, even obvious, it requires commitment to put it into practice. It also requires an understanding of how you view yourself in relation to the world.
In her book, The Awakened Brain, psychologist Dr. Lisa Miller describes two different states of awareness.
One is analytical and achievement focused (called achieving awareness). It describes a decision-making approach narrowly based on setting and achieving specific goals and outcomes.
The other, called awakened awareness, is holistic and describes decision making based on being open to communicating more broadly with whatever life may present, choosing from multiple sources of input.
Miller describes awakened awareness like this: “We look across a vast landscape and ask, 'What is life showing me now?'”
Each of these states of awareness has a role in decision making.
Achieving Awareness
Awareness based on achievement comes primarily from your left brain and focuses on getting and having what you want and need.
It is success oriented and narrowly focused on increasing productivity and choosing outcomes that give you the greatest measurable benefit.
This is your left brain at its best. It loves spreadsheets, logic, setting and accomplishing goals and winning.
This state of awareness is essential for organizing and structuring your life. You couldn't survive without it. And for most of us it is where we tend to live.
Unfortunately, its narrow focus on the future and on success and goal setting tends to increase the worry and stress associated with fear of failure.
And it also sets up constant pressure to compete in order to succeed.
Imagine, for example, you must decide whether to accept a job offer that requires you to move to a different state.
You may ask yourself questions such as: "What if I don't like the climate there? What if my spouse doesn't want to move?
"What if my kids don't like the schools? Will I have to downsize because of the higher cost of living?
"What if I'm exhausted from all the traveling I'll be required to do?"
Notice that an achievement focus causes you to anticipate what might happen in the future, while ignoring the present.
Dwelling on these future oriented questions might even cause you to miss a text from an old friend asking you to give them a call.
When you later learn they wanted to tell you about a job opportunity they thought would have been perfect for you (and wouldn't require you to move) it only adds to your stress.
Or perhaps you get so worried and stressed that you don't take time to exercise, or you miss your daily meditation.
Your work productivity suffers and you forget all about the plans you and your spouse had for this week's date night.
Over time, relying on this achievement approach alone can actually change the structure of your brain, Miller says, "carving pathways of depression, anxiety, stress and craving."
And the deeper you carve those pathways, the more likely you are to experience the universe as a hostile place that only rewards conventional measures of success, often involving intense competition.
For most of us, this worldview is not a formula for decision making that supports a fulfilling life.
Holistic Awareness: The Key to What is Pursuing You
Unlike awareness that is narrowly focused on achievement, holistic awareness is heartfelt and broad and comes from a different part of your brain.
Its heart-based wisdom incorporates subtle factors such as emotions, feelings, intuition and creativity, which require you to be present in the moment so you can fully experience them.
Holistic awareness also reminds you to stay tuned to your deeper purpose and make decisions that increase the joy and fulfillment in your life.
While over-reliance on achievement pulls you out of the here and now and thrusts you into the future, holistic awareness invites you to come back in.
It encourages you to ask questions such as "How does this job relocation (or eating this food or adopting this hobby) make me feel?" Relaxed and calm? Or stressed and apprehensive?
You may also ask yourself: "Is it worth it to take a job that pays better even if it means doing work I don't enjoy? Or would I be happier in a position that brings greater fulfillment or leaves more time for friends and family?"
Your thoughts, feelings and emotions in response to these questions are clues about what is pursuing you.
If your focus remains in the future, on achievement alone, you may miss the message.
Finding the Balance
We need both achievement-based and holistic awareness. And the good news is, when you include both perspectives you'll find they work well together.
For example, your heart may guide you to want a position in a non-profit organization, or help you find work that allows you more time for hobbies or your friends and family.
Your left brain can then step in and help find ways to make these choices work for you even though they may pay less than a job you don't enjoy, stresses you out, or is less fulfilling.
How to Achieve Holistic Awareness
The key to enjoying holistic awareness is bringing balance to your physical, emotional and mental dimensions.
Physical balance looks like a healthy body with plenty of energy to get you through the day.
Emotional balance means you are not easily triggered. You accept and expect ups and downs and learn to flow with them, not taking things personally.
Mental balance means freedom from negative thought patterns. It is the ability to notice and switch off the negative ones before they become a destructive spiral.
None of this implies you must stuff emotions or thoughts. Rather it urges you to find a witness position where you step back, notice the negativity and let it go without owning it.
Committing to a daily meditation practice is a good start towards achieving holistic awareness. It helps relax your body and reduce stress while encouraging positive thoughts and emotional balance.
The holistic lifestyle®, designed to support your meditation practice and bring consistent balance to your physical body, emotions and mind, can also help.
How to Know When You're on Track
As you face difficult decisions, here are some ways to increase your self-awareness and help you discover what, in your current situation, is pursuing you.
- Pay attention throughout the day and keep notes about what makes you happy, or helps you feel calm, joyful, or energetic. Also, note what makes you sad, angry or anxious.
What recurring themes do you notice? Consider what they could mean for the decision you need to make.
- Also notice thoughts and emotions that pop up around what you feel is missing or wrong in your life, or that reflect needs you feel aren't being met.
Could a change help meet those needs?
- Bring a focus to the relationships in your life. Who are the people who support you to be your best?
What feedback do you get from them as you evaluate your decision?
- Make note of any experiences or unexpected coincidences (synchronicities) that could shed light on what direction to take with your decision. These could look like:
- A call out of the blue from someone you haven't heard from in years, but who you were just thinking about, and who proceeds to give you an uplifting piece of advice.
- A friend gives you a book you keep hearing about but haven't read. You read it and find a life changing message for you and your decision.
- You take a seat at an event in a large auditorium. Sitting next to you is someone you don't recognize but turns out to be a good friend from childhood who helps you brainstorm your situation.
What Is Pursuing You?
Learning to live in the present moment causes your self-awareness to expand.
As it does so you will begin to experience the universe as a friendly place that is always pursuing and supporting you.
To make a difficult decision, you need only pay attention and follow where it leads.